My Biggest Fear

One of my biggest struggles in life was learning how to overcome my fear of being alone. Solitude used to make me incredibly anxious because I would relive unhappy memories from when I changed schools often growing up. I knew no one and it felt as if no one really cared to know me. Not having friends in school, or anywhere remotely close, was a pretty miserable experience and I would be lying if I said it didn’t screw with my psyche. My loneliness used to put me in a very scary place. It’s difficult to explain but it felt as if someone was constantly whispering condescending messages in my ear about how no one would ever like me or care about me. What was scariest was that the whispers sounded like my own voice. It took me years to not become overwhelmed with panic and fear when left alone with my thoughts.

I want to make clear that I have a very loving family who has always been there, including my two brothers who are each 2.5 years apart from me. If it wasn’t for them I don’t know how I could have gotten through those moves.

It didn’t happen immediately, but focusing on my journalism work also helped me climb out of that scary place. As a journalism student, I was forced to work independently on projects where I discovered how much I loved roaming around Austin capturing beautiful  footage. Or zoning out from the world to edit a story that I was passionate about. Then I remembered how much I enjoyed reading a good book or writing in my journal. These are all activities that I enjoyed doing in my own company.

By now I’ve learned that neglecting alone time prevents me from being in my most creative space. So I try to embrace “me-time” when my plans fall through and I end up with an open schedule. In fact I make an effort to do this from time-to-time because I know it’s healthy for me.

Connecting to these images below: these pictures were taken on a Saturday when my friends cancelled plans for various reasons. So I charged my batteries, grabbed my camera and headed out. Over the last few years photography and filmmaking have been creative outlets and my camera has meant a lot more to me than most realize; it helped me overcome my fear of myself. If you have ever experienced similar thoughts or fears, I recommend taking up a hobby that consumes your mind with positive vibes. You don’t even know how much your soul will thank you for it later.

Sorry for the sob story–check out my pictures of cute kids and the doggies below to cheer up!


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